TOC #213: What's behind your wrought iron gate?
(January 21, 2025) How To Make Your Website Easier To Use So You Don't Make Your Precious Readers Go On An Irrelevant Journey
Nothing spikes your cortisol like a 3:25am alarm, but I couldn't make the man in the red van wait.
Context: I am in said shared van headed to the airport for two reasons.
I wasn't making any of my loved ones drive me to Boston in the middle of the night.
Uber feels sketchy when it's pitch black out and everyone else is asleep.
So, Knight's Limousine it is.
…but instead of an actual limousine, it's a giant red van.
Semantics.
ANYWAY!
The driver tells me we’re picking up only one other person, which I happily accept because at least it's not several other persons, ya know?
We pull up to the second passenger’s house and… things start to get interesting.
First, it’s not really a house.
It’s a gate.
A giant wrought iron castle gate that quite literally LOOMS in the darkness, lit up only by Red Van Man's headlights, as though we’ve stumbled into the opening scene of a bad murder mystery.
(What's that one with Eddie Murphy? Some shitty Christmas movie? The dude is in love with this realtor he sees bc she looks like his ex? If you know, you know, but clearly I don't know enough to actually tell you.)
There’s no visible way to open the gate, and like I said, no lights.
Just an impenetrable black fortress that might as well be screaming turn back now or else.
(Tbh even if we were in broad noontime daylight in the middle of summer, that gate would've still been ominous enough to low key scare me AND Red Van Man.)
The driver sighs deeply, like this is not the first time he’s dealt with someone who thinks they live in Downton Abbey.
He pulls into the driveway, reverses out just in case he’s at the wrong “castle,” then pulls back in because where else could we possibly be?
(Not that we’re entirely sure the van won’t be crushed by a hidden moat trap if he’s wrong, but that seems unlikely in the middle of Boylston... except, then again…. maybe not?)
He finally gets out of the van and busts out a flashlight.
This is when I start to realize this might not be a quick pick-up situation, and I start to wonder about my precious little comfy Delta seat waiting for me in a few hours' time.
He’s shining the light on what I assume is a call button, but either it’s unmarked or his flashlight batteries are dead because it’s not giving him the answers he needs.
I watch him squint, shake his head, and pull out his phone to call this person.
So now, I’m just sitting in the van, fully awake, wondering who on God's green earth lives here.
Beyoncé? Elon's bitch ass? The inventor of toaster streudel?
Because if you’re rolling up to a gate like this, it better open with dramatic flair, accompanied by at least some sort of fanfare.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity of flashlight Morse code and awkward calls, the gates creak open —because of course, they do— and we begin our slow, dramatic ascent up what can only be described as a winding, treacherous cliffside driveway.
Again, t’s pitch black.
No lights, no lanterns, no glowing torches to guide our way like in actual castles.
Just darkness and, if I squint, what might be water down below. Or a very steep ravine. Who can say? But it genuinely looked treacherous.
I'm not even being dramatic, I was nervous we'd skid on a patch of ice and free fall to our death, me and the Knight's Limousine grandpa driver.
Red Van Man and I exchange looks because we both know exactly where we’re headed: the Beauty and the Beast mansion.
We’re about to be greeted by a candelabra named Lumière, and I’ll probably have to battle a giant library monster to save someone's dad.
(At least the flatware will be entertaining when I get captured?)
(Is 🎶 be our guest 🎶 stuck in your head now, too? Sry.)
Except… no.
Shockingly, NOT Beast's mansion….???
We get to the top, and there it is:
The most underwhelming, plain REGULAR ASS SUBURBAN HOUSE you’ve ever seen in your life.
Beige siding, normal shutters, one lonely porch light flickering like it forgot its purpose in life, random white Karen impatiently pacing in front of her ‘09 Camry with her suitcase.
What the HELL was all the drama for?! You're gonna tell me you have a half-mile JOURNEY to get to your guarded-by-gates home, and it's a late-80s Colonial?
No castle. No Beast. No enchanted household objects.
Just… some lady's house.
The fuck?
If you're gonna put us through allll that, at least reward us with some well-deserved fanfare.
Or, at the very least, what we were expecting to see.
How To Make Your Website Easier To Use (So You Don't Make Your Precious Readers Go On An Irrelevant Journey)
[TW: I'm about to yell.]
NO ONE WANTS TO NAVIGATE A HARD-TO-USE WEBSITE.
THEY WILL X OUT.
DON'T MAKE IT HARD FOR PEOPLE TO FIND WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.
DON'T HIDE UR SHIT BEHIND A WEIRD WROUGHT IRON GATE AND ACT LIKE UR LIVING IN A CASTLE WHEN UR NOT.
NO DRAMA NECESSARY.
JUST ANSWERS TO UR AUDIENCE'S QUESTIONS.
Please, for the love of God, I'm actually genuinely begging.
I'll even make u a lil checklist of what ur site needs 👇
Here's my list of things that MUST be easy for me to find within my first 30 seconds on your website (or else):
Who you are: your name and your title
What you do: the specific service or offer you're providing me, and the logistics of that offer
What makes you worthy of my investment: if you can't make me understand why YOU are the right choice, you're not the choice I'm making
Your pricing: if you don't tell me how much this shit costs, I'm already halfway to finding someone else
How to make it happen: I need to be able to easily understand how to inquire or make a purchase, or I'm not doing it
Things that will make me X out of a website before I bother caring:
Ugly, complicated, or confusing design
Slow loading content
Not being optimized for mobile
Not being able to figure out ur fucking NAME
Having no pricing displayed on your site / making me download something to find your pricing
In my opinion, these are simple lists.
I feel like a scorned lover asking her partner for the bare minimum. This shit should be STANDARD.
SO, I'm on a mission to *make* it standard by helping as many business owners as possible update & upgrade their websites this year!
In my self-paced website copywriting course, Site Series® SPRINT, I teach you exactly how to write and launch the BEST possible website that answers all of your readers' questions, effortlessly shows off why you're so great (without you having to be salesy), and easily converts leads into buyers.
& I do all of that without making a single second of it overwhelming, because the course is broken down into easy-to-follow SPRINTS, so you can get it done faster, w/o sacrificing quality.
You won't find a bigger slay than that, I fear!
If you're looking for a sign to join bc you're a cute little fence sitter, take Dakari's word for it: it's worth it.
Bookmarked by BTL
Why Your Website's About Page Can't Just Be Your LinkedIn Reincarnated
How To Get A Fucking Grip (and three other new episodes!)
How I'm Marketing My New Evergreen Funnel (& Surviving Selling While Being Luteal AF…)
SIDE NOTE… Are you registered for my email marketing workshop yet?!
At this live, interactive workshop on February 5th, we aren't just talking about email marketing — we’re DOING email marketing.
I designed this workshop to give you everything you need to finally make email your easiest and most effective tool this year, AND WE'RE GONNA ACTUALLY DO IT ALL RIGHT THERE IN THE WORKSHOP.
Specifically, we will…
→ Create or upgrade your lead magnet to ensure it attracts the right people
→ Write convincing opt-in copy that makes people want to subscribe
→ Build out your 2025 newsletter strategy
→ Create a content plan of 52 NEW newsletter ideas you can send your list this year!
& the best part: I'm holding your hand throughout the whole thing, it won't be some boring stuffy workshop you can't wait to leave, ANDDD you're leaving with REAL DELIVERABLES.
It's gonna be sick.
>> Reserve your spot here bc they are limited!
Chat so soon!
—S
P.S. Site Series® SPRINT really IS the easiest way to get your website copy done RIGHT, so if you're thinking about joining, please feel free to message me via email or IG at any time! I'm always happy to answer questions about it :)
If we haven’t had the chance to *virtually* meet yet, hi! I’m Sara Noel—website copywriter and marketing mentor for creatives, copywriters, and all-around cool people. If you like my content and you want even more BTL in your life, here are a few ways you can connect with me:
Subscribe to my newsletter! I send one marketing tip, once a week - and, according to my subscribers, it's "the best marketing newsletter on the Internet" and "the only reason to wake up on Tuesday mornings." So... yeah. You'll love 'er. 😏 Click here to subscribe!
Check out my services. I write website copy, sales pages, email sequences, blog posts, and brand messaging guides for entrepreneurs of all kinds! Maybe you’re my next favorite client.
Read my blog. It’s home to everything from copywriting tips, to marketing education, to freelance advice, to portfolio-worthy projects… if you like this post, you’ll love the blog. Here’s a quick roundup of my most popular posts.
Sign up for my email marketing course. Learn how to grow your email list full of loyal, ready-to-buy readers with this self-paced course teaching you how to write the best lead magnets, opt-in copy, welcome sequences, and newsletters.
Enlist me as your mentor. I have an entire in-depth blog post about my one-on-one consulting process for new and aspiring copywriters, if you’re interested in having a big-sis-style mentor to help you grow your freelance copywriting business & get results.
To get in touch with me directly, send me a DM or email sara@betweenthelinescopy.com. Have a great day!