TOC #198: Why'd they have to put lipstick on a literal pig??
(October 8, 2024) Back To Basics: (Some Of) My Cardinal Rules of Copywriting
Everything is crooked.
And not in a “oh, let me just shove a little piece of cardboard under the leg of the couch” kind of way.
More like a “wait, did I just walk into a funhouse?” kind of way.
I know I'm a dramatic person, but I swear to you I'm NOT being dramatic about this.
Walking into my (brand new-to-me, ink's still drying, only-lived-here-for-a-month-and-change) home quite literally does feel like walking into a funhouse.
…except instead of wonky mirrors and freaky clowns, it's warped floors and a large black, smoky orb that flies behind me when I take Zoom calls from the kitchen table.
See, my house was built in 1908.
(Well, actually, let me revise: my house was moved in 1908.)
(Previously, it had been part of another house, but then they chopped it in half and dragged it down the street, across the main drag, and over into my neighborhood.)
So, safe to say she's pretty freaking old.
& even though you know how I feel about its previous owners, I do have to say, they did a good job updating it.
After all, despite me having a fetish for front porches and loving that I can walk absolutely everywhere in town from my house, the INSIDE was actually what convinced me to buy it.
There are tons of windows, letting in gorgeous light throughout the day. Some of them are even stained glass!
The kitchen is huge, with big white cabinets everywhere and tons of storage. There's even a window over the sink!
The downstairs bathroom has a standalone tub big enough to fit an NFL player. And the lighting doesn't make you want to rip your eyebrow hairs out or immediately schedule a facial!
…aaaand then there are the floors.
The gorgeous, chocolatey brown deep wood floors.
…thaaaat happened to be crooked as fuck.
I noticed things were a little off when I initially toured the home — when you stand facing my kitchen table, looking at the cabinets, you can really see just how slanted everything is — but I didn't think much of it.
I understood that it was an old home, and that it wouldn't look like a builder-grade one, but that was part of the charm! It's historic! It's unique!
Plus, like I said, the interiors were gorgeous. They'd done a very good job styling and staging it.
(Side note: does anyone else think home staging is kinda creepy? Like they literally created a little girls' bedroom when they just… don't have a little girl. I find that weird. Anyway, not the point.)
Minutes after leaving the showing, I put an offer on the house.
Less than four hours after that, the offer was accepted.
It was official! She was mine!
And so were all of her quirks, once I signed on the dotted line and found myself on the hook for well over half a mil's worth of historic… quirks, let's call them.
& I had no issue with this!
At first.
…until I started to furnish my house.
Then, one piece of furniture after another, I started to notice:
EVERY. SINGLE. THING. IS. CROOKED.
And like I said earlier, it's not a casual cardboard-under-the-couch-leg fix. You genuinely get vertigo just looking at the placement of some of the pieces in my home.
Now, there's absolutely nothing I can do about this now — the house is mine, and I'm gonna make do with what I have, but I do have one question:
If you were refinishing an old home, and you were putting in all new floors, wouldn't you think to… I don't know… LEVEL THEM?
Clearly, I don't know shit about fuck when it comes to homeownership yet, so maybe it wasn't a possibility for the previous owners to fix the wonky wood floors, or maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about, but…
If it were me, I think I would've given a little more thought to the most important piece of the renovation: the ground I stand on.
You know, the foundation upon which EVERYTHING in this house sits?
Sure, the Pottery Barn couch was gorgeous.
The perfectly trimmed curtains were beautiful.
That giant white marble kitchen island really got me.
But now that I'm looking a little closer? Those fuckers put lipstick on a pig.
And it didn't take me long to be able to tell.
I get it, though — it's not sexy or fun to focus on the foundations or the basics or the boring stuff.
Of COURSE they'd want to focus on the aesthetics, as opposed to the function. It makes sense, and I see their vision.
…but furnishing my home would be a lot less crooked (read: EASIER) if they'd paid attention to the basic needs of my cute little old home first.
Back To Basics: (Some Of) My Cardinal Rules of Copywriting
In case you haven't guessed, we're going back to the non-sexy basics today, so you can learn the foundations of copywriting before making it to the sexiness of selling.
#1 – WRITE TO ONE PERSON
If your copy is GENERAL, it won’t resonate with anyone.
When you write to your IDEAL person, you’re not only ensuring that your copy attracts the “right people” (aka the people you genuinely WANT to work with), but you’re also narrowing your focus to allow yourself to write copy that they are really going to resonate with.
#2 — START BY ASKING…
At every turn, ask yourself whether what you're writing is something that your audience would effortlessly understand.
Would they read your copy and immediately know that it’s intended for them/that they’re the intended audience?
Would it make them nod their head in agreement?
Would it make them say “ugh, that’s SO me”?
Would they get this reference?
Do they actually feel this way?
Is this an experience they can relate to?
#3 — TRADE "I" FOR "YOU”
It's not your story, it's theirs.
Help your readers see themselves in your copy by using a customer-centric POV, and replace "I" or "we" with "YOU." Readers are inherently selfish—they want to know what's in it for them, not what's so great about you.
(Ex: make easy swaps like saying “how you can make a million dollars” as opposed to “how I made a million dollars” — less self-centered, more “you”-focused)
#4 — FEED THEIR SELFISHNESS
Because it benefits you, too.
When someone lands on your website — or whichever marketing material of yours they're reading — they're approaching it from a "what's in it for me?" standpoint.
Considering that POV and supporting it by making it EASY for them to GET what they want is important, because it improves their opinion of you, paints you as a knowledgeable, trustworthy expert, and proves to them that you understand them.
Want to learn the rest of my Cardinal Rules of Copywriting? And all the other foundational methods you'll need to know to write the best copy? Then you'll want to click that link down there… 👇
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