TOC #189: My lunch date with my ex husband's new girlfriend
(August 6, 2024) How to find the common ground with your audience so you can make connections with them (and sell to them)
have just two simple questions:
#1 — what are we gonna talk about?
#2 — does she speak English?
And, in my opinion, these are perfectly valid questions. Nothing to write home about.
…other than the fact that I was forced to ask them in preparation for an event I had no interest in.
Context: my ex husband asked me to get lunch with his new girlfriend.
Or, we’ll, actually, his new “friendship.”
He says they're not officially dating, because they're still getting to know each other, but I think he just doesn't understand dating, and they're actually dating.
(I’ve been calling her Friendship behind her back. It feels right.)
His new Friendship wants to meet me.
Great!
(Actually, I have insider information that she's petrified to meet me, because she's shy, and I'm a shy person's nightmare, because this is my personality.)
The last one — not a Friendship, but a full ass lover I found out about accidentally when Ex added my cousin to his Close Friends story thinking he was adding his step sister — I refused to meet.
They weren’t going to last. I didn't see the point.
(She was freshly 21. We're practically 30. That’s all I needed to know.)
He’s also very PDA, and I didn’t need to watch him be PDA with someone else while, at the time, I had no one to be PDA with.
But now I do, so it’s okay. I can meet Friendship without worry.
There’s just one problem:
LITERALLYYYYY WHAT DO WE TALK ABOUT???
Ex and I have a child together, we shared a life together, we know each other very well.
Friendship and I have one thing in common.
She likes the thing.
I don’t.
I don’t really want to form a shared connection with Friendship over Ex because, to her, he’s not Ex, he’s Current.
…and I’m sure SHE doesn’t want to form a shared connection with ME, considering the fact that in HIS story, *I* am “Ex” — AND Mother Of His Beloved Offspring, AND Perfect Person He Has To Thank For His Successful Business.
So, again:
WHAT THE FRICK DO WE TALK ABOUT?
This isn’t a question I ask myself often. I am impressively fluent in Yapanese. I can have a conversation with anyone about anything.
But homeboy was describing Friendship to me on the phone and she sounds like my actual polar opposite — which should be good for him, tbh — so I’m at a loss here.
I’m gonna be forced to find some other common ground.
How To Find The Common Ground With Your Audience
The easiest way to sell to your audience is to first build a connection with your audience.
…but, what the frick do you make that connection over?
Well, it could be anything!
I think a lot of us forget that we don't have to be so businessy when we post business content anymore, meaning we forget that we can (and should!) post about our actual lives, so people can view us as actual humans, not just business owners.
& this counts for your website, too!
Kayla talks about her chicken wing obsession on hers. Danielle talks about sheep and faerie porn. Rachel talks about how many countries she's pooped her pants in.
There are quite literally NO RULES about what you can connect with your community over. Here are a few places to start…
Do you have a strong opinion on something simple that either a) the masses agree with, OR b) people are split 50/50 on?
Ex, an opinion like: the correct way to cut a sandwich is horizontal, the appropriate time to start playing Christmas music is November 1, money you spend on tattoos and concerts doesn't count as spending money
Think of what your interests are and share them, to see whether or not they resonate with it / respond to it
What's your favorite book? Your favorite saying? Your favorite song? Your coffee order? Do you hate coffee? Do you, like me, refer to it as “nasty bean water”? Share your thoughts w/ your readers!
What “seemingly irrelevant detail” about yourself (aka my About page secret sauce, as my Site Series® students know) can you share to relate with them?
Hint: try tuna haters
You can make a connection with someone over quite literally anything — I strike up conversations with people in person every single day over the smallest, most minute things. You just have to be willing to try.
(You might get a boyfriend if you do, like me, when I walked straight up to the boy and said this.)
(Or a best friend, like Alli, when she walked straight up to me, with a very similar intro. We've been bff ever since.)
& if you need help developing exactly WHO your target audience is, so you can figure out HOW to market to them — I've got just the thing. 👇
If we haven’t had the chance to *virtually* meet yet, hi! I’m Sara Noel—website copywriter and marketing mentor for creatives, copywriters, and all-around cool people. If you like my content and you want even more BTL in your life, here are a few ways you can connect with me:
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